RIP Tongue Piercing. And also Pizza Protein Stick.

Dr. D, my dentist, just can't get enough of ruining my life. Now he wants to take out my wisdom teeth with only local anesthetic. Not only that, but he says I have to take out my tongue piercing for the procedure and the entire time while I heal. I guess he doesn't understand (I mean why would he when he's a FUCKING DENTIST) that the mouth is the fastest healing organ, and even having the piercing out for several hours can close it, let alone several days. Boo. Cry. Hiss. More cry.

Further, I worry about Dr. D's skills. When he said my three wisdom teeth (I only have three? I guess I'm evolutionarily advanced) needed to come out, he said - well, here is a transcript:

Friday, June 20th, 10:02 am Pacific Daylight Time
Dr. D: Do you want to take them out today? Let's just do it right now.
Me: Ummmm, really? I mean, I drove here alone so I don't know...
Dr. D: No, no, you'll be fine.
Me: Actually, I teach aerobics today so there's no way I can do it.
Dr. D: What time is your class?
Me: Noon?
Dr. D: Oh, you'll be fine.
Me: Ummmmm, actually, no I think I'll wait.

What the fuck and are you fucking serious me. This man is crazygonuts.

Then I had to take the piercing out for the fancy X-ray where you stand up and the thingies go around your head. So, rather than be sentimental about my tongue piercing (which I've had for [sniff] eight years), I just said "FUCK IT!" and took it out and never looked back. Except right now as I recreate it for CM.

No one, and I mean no one, has noticed anyway that it's gone.

Oh, and a side story about my dentist being a dummy. He was looking at my teeth and was like, "Janet, I think you are grinding your teeth at night. There should be pointy peaks here but they are ground down, and right here your tooth is chipped. I think you should get a mouthguard." Of course the mouthguard costs $450, but more importantly, all of this damage is because of my tongue piercing clanking around in my mouth. I wonder why it didn't occur to him that the HUGE METAL THINGIE in my mouth was to blame for all this tooth damage?

Anyway, it was a sad week overall, as I must end with a lament about Jamba Juice's glorious Pizza Protein Stick, which has been discontinued. Oh, OK, so in the ENTIRE interweb there is not a single photograph of the fucking pizza protein stick? This post just gets sadder and sadder.

The PPS was the hidden gem of JJ. It sounds gross but it was really deceptively delicious. Warm, chewy, with delightful hidden chunks of tartness with sundried tomato and a nice whiff of oregano. Everyone I coaxed into trying it loved it, too.

So, RIP, PPS. Here is a poem that I worked really hard on to commemorate your life.

Oh, peppery, pitiful Pizza Protein Stick.
Who discontinued you? What a dick!
Life without you makes me sick.
PS Did I tell you my dentist sucks balls?